it's been quite a hectic week.

for one, npcc training's resumed and fortunately, the h1n1 segregation between the secondary and jc side has finally been lifted too. which means that we're free to go back to training! yea.
it does feel abit rusty though. kinda lost my touch after being away from training for so long (almost 2 months?). well it'll come back soon enough i hope.
it really seemed like forever to reach the end of the year. but hey guess what it's already the end of term 3 week 6. like oh my god. and there are less than 10 trainings left till term 4 comes and then pretty much training will come to a halt for the most part. it's seriously damn little, considering what i wanted to do with/for the unit but have yet to materialise those goals. time is never on your side when you want it to most huh.

there's npcc drills video filming tomorrow. which will really burn up my friday holiday. grr add on the area 4 ATC meeting and literally my whole friday is up in smoke. argh. 10 to 10 omg. wicked sick. but well, really hope it turns out well. and hope the sec4s will be real committed and give us their best. they're the ones showing face in the video so it should motivate them sufficiently (even though i don't really want that to be their source of motivation since that's so superficial). last big thing they'll be able to do for the unit before they leave, they really ought to make it count.

and just yesterday, mr leong (our vp) called for an ex-UG people meeting, for the parade commander roster for this/next year. and i readily signed up! but to be very honest with myself, i've not got very much confidence in performing as a parade commander. one, i've not actually had experience with it before. two, probably my personal demons and stuff. you've got no idea how bad it is to screwup in front of the entire school population. lucky jerome's agreed to be my mentor, thanks man =)

it's an experience la. i suddenly remembered what mrs lim (principal) said during the assembly talk on wednesday. that we should always seek challenges for ourselves. and well, me signing up as parade commander is probably a prime example of that in real life. if we don't break out of our comfort zone we'll never learn and we'll never know what we can really do (or not). sometimes you just gotta push yourself out there and kill off the backout route, and force yourself head on to knock down those obstacles in your way. the theory of 破釜沉舟 does work at times you know.

i just realised that sometimes in life, we're so focused on achieving our goals that we lose sight of what we wanted to do them for. take for example, just wednesday i was taking some sec2s and teaching them drills. instantly i felt so unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the whole teaching process that i started acting strangely (or at least i felt i was). it was a result of being overly concerned with "looking good" and forgetting about the true aim: their welfare, to get them to get the drill right. when things like this happen we become so concentrated on some things that we forget the true meaning of what we're doing it all for. and that, i think, is the worst that could happen to anyone. to get lost in the process of doing and not know what you're doing it for. it just makes you seem so souless.

studying really just sucks now. i can never find good enough reason for myself to start flipping through my notes and start penning down answeres for my tutorials. i know these are just stupid excuses but they seem so justified. promos are really near already (about 2 months more), and CT-style mugging is plain suicide. argh i don't know what to do.

i need to find back those things that had once motivated me, and bring them back.

shall end with a song again =)


I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes - Lyrics


I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you're far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

(Chorus)
I don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Lying close to you,
feeling your heart beating,
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,
And then I kiss your eyes,
[I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes lyrics on http://www.elyricsworld.com]

And thank God we're together,
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,
Forever and ever.

(Chorus)

And I don't wanna miss one smile,
I don't wanna miss one kiss,
I just wanna be with you,
Right here with you, just like this,
Well I just wanna hold you close,
And feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
For all the rest of time
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah

(Chorus repeated 2 times)

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing