god am i tired.
no idea what's wrong with me, i'm just tired every single day. and when i say "every" i mean every. like i'm tired now. and wanna sleep. and all that i did today was check email and then random around online. i didn't know that using eye power on the computer takes so much out of you huh.
nah think its me. maybe i have chronic sleep depravation or something. or this illness in chinese called zong he pi lao zheng. something like that. none of it's good news, to summarise. and i need to figure out how to stop this.
i feel quite empty inside. haven't had npcc for the past 4 weeks. counting this it'll be the 5th. omg. its like a chunk of me is missing, and i'm sure you'd agree that it feels really horrible when part of you just isn't there, for one reason or another. why can't they just lift the dumb ban on jc and secondary students crossing over. flus and stuff are already spreading like wildfire in both individual sides so what difference does it make if they make the 2 campuses more accessible to each other?
hmm i guess this just goes to show that sometimes we only realise the value of something when we've lost it (or in this case, had a long absence of it) huh.
and today my dad showed me some article about PSC scholarships and their interview selection process. really insightful, and i like how they're going towards choosing people based on their personality, character and values instead of really stupid things like number of CIP hours, number of leadership positions and number of enrichment programs and academic accolades that one has accumulated over the years. frankly, i don't believe that any of these things count very much in the real world. it's what you have inside you that should really make the difference, i feel.
which also brought me to really think about what i want to do in the future. i haven't actually thought very carefully or seriously about this before. and now i look at it, i don't exactly see anything distinct for me out there. of course some may say 17's too young to make a decision on these great life-changing matters, but there are those who would insist otherwise anyway.
in any case, i cast my head around and i sort of settled or at least seemed to have a slightly greater inclination towards. and thats psychology. as in seriously i like to read on how we think and all. and after reading the article today about how some of these psc interviwes have psychologists among the assessing panel, i think it's even more cool. like wow, being able to fanthom one's mind and thought process is just...wicked. and cool. so yup, MAYBE i am kinda suited for psychology, i dunno. i just hope my parents don't stick firmly to their opinion of "only doctor lawyer and all the high paying jobs out there will do". and they are saying now that they aren't forcing me to get a scholarship or anything too, because it'd really depend on what i have an interest in in future. but well, that's only what they're saying now. who knows 2 years down the road they have a huge change of mind eh. but right now, i would say it looks pretty good? so not too bad.
ok actually, i had in mind some pretty emo stuff to say >.< but you know after saying all that stuff above, i felt alot better. and alot more invigorated as well. like i've found some new life direction or something. it feels good when you've sort of figured out the next step in your life, and you really feel as if you are living your life again or something. ok silly blabbering so i shall stop.
been feeling quite bothered by quite a few things over the past weeks. academics is one, cca is one, scholarships/jobs/my future is one, and of course the thing that's been bugging me ever since the start of the year is still lurking around. like you will think about if you'r good enough, how other people totally own you upside down, how everything seems to be going against you when you want to achieve something so bad, and the 101 other reasons that make whatever you're thinking of doing seem utterly mission impossible. i dunno, is 17 supposed to be a time for a poor boy like me to start worrying and fussing about every possible thing in the world that we've never stopped once to consider before this? ugh i feel really lost.
ah well. people say things will eventually right themselves, so we might see how it turns out as time goes then. but for now, i seem to have developed an obsession with shopping. books and clothes seem to be on the top of my list. oh but my parents absolutely hate splurging so. there's a conflict of interests there huh. sounds like pw, the need to balance "economic pragmatism and conservation"...ok that was random.
oh and i actually really want a study buddy(s). someone who's quite free to stay around after lesson hours? and we can mug and stuff. some rough criteria though, he/she ought to be quite friendly with me, yet wants to mug and won't get easily carried away by talking, but yet isn't that boring that we really just mug throughout and don't interact! so demanding of me haha. yea well, we always need expectations to ensure at least some degree quality don't we. ok anyway so if you actually want to try this at all, just tell me k i'm easy =) (omg that sounded abit wrong...)
hmm, not bad leh this post overall was pretty cheery huh. at least comparatively. now, i should probably stop wasting brain power and go to sleep. even though its 10.20pm now, whatever la.
no idea what's wrong with me, i'm just tired every single day. and when i say "every" i mean every. like i'm tired now. and wanna sleep. and all that i did today was check email and then random around online. i didn't know that using eye power on the computer takes so much out of you huh.
nah think its me. maybe i have chronic sleep depravation or something. or this illness in chinese called zong he pi lao zheng. something like that. none of it's good news, to summarise. and i need to figure out how to stop this.
i feel quite empty inside. haven't had npcc for the past 4 weeks. counting this it'll be the 5th. omg. its like a chunk of me is missing, and i'm sure you'd agree that it feels really horrible when part of you just isn't there, for one reason or another. why can't they just lift the dumb ban on jc and secondary students crossing over. flus and stuff are already spreading like wildfire in both individual sides so what difference does it make if they make the 2 campuses more accessible to each other?
hmm i guess this just goes to show that sometimes we only realise the value of something when we've lost it (or in this case, had a long absence of it) huh.
and today my dad showed me some article about PSC scholarships and their interview selection process. really insightful, and i like how they're going towards choosing people based on their personality, character and values instead of really stupid things like number of CIP hours, number of leadership positions and number of enrichment programs and academic accolades that one has accumulated over the years. frankly, i don't believe that any of these things count very much in the real world. it's what you have inside you that should really make the difference, i feel.
which also brought me to really think about what i want to do in the future. i haven't actually thought very carefully or seriously about this before. and now i look at it, i don't exactly see anything distinct for me out there. of course some may say 17's too young to make a decision on these great life-changing matters, but there are those who would insist otherwise anyway.
in any case, i cast my head around and i sort of settled or at least seemed to have a slightly greater inclination towards. and thats psychology. as in seriously i like to read on how we think and all. and after reading the article today about how some of these psc interviwes have psychologists among the assessing panel, i think it's even more cool. like wow, being able to fanthom one's mind and thought process is just...wicked. and cool. so yup, MAYBE i am kinda suited for psychology, i dunno. i just hope my parents don't stick firmly to their opinion of "only doctor lawyer and all the high paying jobs out there will do". and they are saying now that they aren't forcing me to get a scholarship or anything too, because it'd really depend on what i have an interest in in future. but well, that's only what they're saying now. who knows 2 years down the road they have a huge change of mind eh. but right now, i would say it looks pretty good? so not too bad.
ok actually, i had in mind some pretty emo stuff to say >.< but you know after saying all that stuff above, i felt alot better. and alot more invigorated as well. like i've found some new life direction or something. it feels good when you've sort of figured out the next step in your life, and you really feel as if you are living your life again or something. ok silly blabbering so i shall stop.
been feeling quite bothered by quite a few things over the past weeks. academics is one, cca is one, scholarships/jobs/my future is one, and of course the thing that's been bugging me ever since the start of the year is still lurking around. like you will think about if you'r good enough, how other people totally own you upside down, how everything seems to be going against you when you want to achieve something so bad, and the 101 other reasons that make whatever you're thinking of doing seem utterly mission impossible. i dunno, is 17 supposed to be a time for a poor boy like me to start worrying and fussing about every possible thing in the world that we've never stopped once to consider before this? ugh i feel really lost.
ah well. people say things will eventually right themselves, so we might see how it turns out as time goes then. but for now, i seem to have developed an obsession with shopping. books and clothes seem to be on the top of my list. oh but my parents absolutely hate splurging so. there's a conflict of interests there huh. sounds like pw, the need to balance "economic pragmatism and conservation"...ok that was random.
oh and i actually really want a study buddy(s). someone who's quite free to stay around after lesson hours? and we can mug and stuff. some rough criteria though, he/she ought to be quite friendly with me, yet wants to mug and won't get easily carried away by talking, but yet isn't that boring that we really just mug throughout and don't interact! so demanding of me haha. yea well, we always need expectations to ensure at least some degree quality don't we. ok anyway so if you actually want to try this at all, just tell me k i'm easy =) (omg that sounded abit wrong...)
hmm, not bad leh this post overall was pretty cheery huh. at least comparatively. now, i should probably stop wasting brain power and go to sleep. even though its 10.20pm now, whatever la.
posted by Pan-san at 7/27/2009 09:59:00 PM
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