it feels really strange.
i guess today was sort of a huge step for me (if you could call it a step).

well, i'm not exactly devastated or anything. in fact i might say that i saw this coming. there've been more than enough signs to signal that. have i just been shutting myself off to these signs? i think so.

whatever the case is, what's done is done, but the important thing is what my direction is going to be from now on. i think there's really not much point clinging on to these (almost certainly) impossible things. i've really got alot of other things to clear up in my life, and this one has bothered me long enough that i think it should stop, period. definitely, it's not that easy to just say forget it and you forget it. but, the resolution to is a start.
my only regret is that, most likely, this will be one of the things that i will regret in my jc time.

it really seemed possible. really. but i guess you can't always get what you want in life.

took a long walk myself around town today. maybe it's just me, but when you feel down just walking and mulling over stuff seems to help make you feel abit better. even if it seems totally counter intuitive. and the kind of calm and silence that you get just by being by yourself is unlike any other.
oh well, we'll see how things go from here.

my life seems really bad now huh. sigh. and i feel stupid, after what happened at pw today. i think i'm a super super micro person. if you give me the detailed step by step thing i can grasp easily. but you tell me some broad concept and expect me to apply it skillfully i'm afraid there'd be problems. hmm, something to note for myself in future life i suppose.

hmm, it's scary how many people actually read this stuff that i put here. ok, maybe they just screen through the posts till they find gossip material, but nevertheless i seem to be getting lots of hits unintentionally. i just checked and its 7.5k. a couple months back it was what, 6k+? if i recall right. wow. some hot site huh. for the wrong reasons though.

oh, and i got myself a new blog song! streamed from elsewhere so i saved on the trouble of uploading myself. and there's the nice lyrics shown too. heard this song at nebo cafe so many times that i fell in love with it. really nice.

all you need is music.