one more month to NS...
didn't get to work nor volunteer over this long break, but i did thankfully get to meet up with many friends and re-connect.
knowing something does not equate to experiencing something. many will have some inkling of the notion of death, but how many have truly felt what it's like to have someone close to you leave you for a better place? i can only faintly recall what my grandpa's wake was like when he passed away in my primary 5 year. i don't know why but perhaps at that tender age i was not able to grasp the idea of death of a loved one. i didn't really shed tears, i wasn't even quite able to muster up any feeling of sadness. come to think of it, one thing i could remember well was that there were nice shui jing baos there. i'm not proud of this in any way. i just feel that many a time, we as the mere observers can only see so much of the situation. so much else about the situation goes unnoticed, there are too many subtleties that "putting yourself in his/her shoes" may not suffice to provide a true understanding/empathy.
i often think to myself, how strong can a person be? i think one can only withstand so much before crumbling; we're really not beings made to DIY (even if self-help books do often advocate such a mindset). bad times bring out the most in people, that i do believe. in all honesty i'm not a very strong person; mean words and insults get to me easily (though i may appear nonchalant) and it's hard to not care about what other people think of me and just go my own way. doesn't help too that i can get soft-hearted and avoid doing things that are injurious or hurtful to others. sounds like a terrible combination huh?
and waiting can be a really torturous process. i think the torture stems from the feeling of "infinite" panging and longing for what you're waiting for to come. and undeniably we can only see so far into the future. sometimes we're waiting but have no clue what we're waiting for - so we just wait, and wait, and wait. eventually we just waste our lives away because we wait aimlessly. for me, i'm waiting for a vision that will show me the passions and dreams ordained for no one but me. i don't know when that will come by. but today i learnt to wait in faith, and i shall.
didn't get to work nor volunteer over this long break, but i did thankfully get to meet up with many friends and re-connect.
knowing something does not equate to experiencing something. many will have some inkling of the notion of death, but how many have truly felt what it's like to have someone close to you leave you for a better place? i can only faintly recall what my grandpa's wake was like when he passed away in my primary 5 year. i don't know why but perhaps at that tender age i was not able to grasp the idea of death of a loved one. i didn't really shed tears, i wasn't even quite able to muster up any feeling of sadness. come to think of it, one thing i could remember well was that there were nice shui jing baos there. i'm not proud of this in any way. i just feel that many a time, we as the mere observers can only see so much of the situation. so much else about the situation goes unnoticed, there are too many subtleties that "putting yourself in his/her shoes" may not suffice to provide a true understanding/empathy.
i often think to myself, how strong can a person be? i think one can only withstand so much before crumbling; we're really not beings made to DIY (even if self-help books do often advocate such a mindset). bad times bring out the most in people, that i do believe. in all honesty i'm not a very strong person; mean words and insults get to me easily (though i may appear nonchalant) and it's hard to not care about what other people think of me and just go my own way. doesn't help too that i can get soft-hearted and avoid doing things that are injurious or hurtful to others. sounds like a terrible combination huh?
and waiting can be a really torturous process. i think the torture stems from the feeling of "infinite" panging and longing for what you're waiting for to come. and undeniably we can only see so far into the future. sometimes we're waiting but have no clue what we're waiting for - so we just wait, and wait, and wait. eventually we just waste our lives away because we wait aimlessly. for me, i'm waiting for a vision that will show me the passions and dreams ordained for no one but me. i don't know when that will come by. but today i learnt to wait in faith, and i shall.
posted by Pan-san at 1/10/2011 02:03:00 AM
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