read a couple of random thoughts somewhere.

do you listen to sad music because you are miserable? or are you miserable because you listen to sad music?

they say painful experiences make you stronger. do they really? or they just bring on the pain all the more when it gets stirred, plunging the knife deeper and deeper inch by inch into your heart as if your heart is of limitless depth, and thus feeling limitless pain.

i don't have the (accurate) answers to either, it's up to us to figure out for ourselves with what life experience or intuition or reasoning that we've got.
but sometimes, maybe thinking about things don't really help. like mr koh says, let it go.

enough with the philosophy i suppose.

i think i really ought to dedicate a post of sorts to chinese lessons. for quite some time zhang laoshi has been telling us how our class seems so hopeless compared to this year's sec4 batch. disheartening news it is, but can we really deny facts as they are laid out bare in front of our eyes? some may wonder why we're re-taking chinese all over again but hardly seem interested/serious about it. how pointless and foolish can people get?

i think it's the escape syndrome all over again. we're always trying to escape from what we can't stand, what we're not pleased with, what we refuse to accept. and it just evolves into a vicious cycle that swallows you into an abyss of darkness and void. it gets even more puzzling that i can say all this but yet i'm not doing anything about it myself. it's almost as if you know you're going to die right now if you don't do anything, but still you don't do anything. note that it's not "cannot do", it's "don't do" or put simply, don't want to do. which is really sad actually, we're essentially ditching ourselves to fate and like it or not, it often leads us to nothing but a road of degeneration. it's one of the most fatal flaws of humans today, no amount of technology and advancement can possibly make up for this weakness unless we put in every ounce of determination we have and make it work out.

life is damn real tough people, and you better believe it.

but that does not mean that we should surrender ourselves to a life of despair or a life of adversity. if phoenixes can be born from a crow's nest then what's stopping anything from happening? i believe (or rather hope it is indeed true) that the secret is to listen to your heart. i'd like to believe that your heart is right more often than your mind is. you know emotions are such a powerful thing. they can push you to levels of determination that you never knew you had. they can let you cross buondaries that would have otherwise been impossible. conversely, they can easily take the life out of you, and give you emotional hell for all its worth. sometimes it's like money, recalling a quote from a drama here; if you put it on a pedestal it will torture you like the devil. now isn't that what happens to all of us at some point in our lives. but one's heart is really important in letting you live (and by this i don't mean merely biologically), and in giving you a true life. why, i can't imagine living a life devoid of emotion. even emotional suffering gives you the sense of living life, and having experienced it myself i know that this is true, no matter how ridiculous this may sound.

back to the topic of chinese (since i kind of aimlessly digressed ahh), this is already the second chance to make things work, so i can't screw it up. there aren't many times in life that you actually get a second chance, so when it does come by we'd better grasp onto it tight and not let go. if things go awry another time, i don't know to beat myself up or just lament that my fate is as such. for now, i will work hard on doing/reading/experiencing chinese (anything at all, even if not hardcore mugging) until Os come. if this approach doesn't work i don't know what will.

A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

this is so true. and it's also true that they rarely share their deepest concerns, fears, and dreams with others.

lots of food for thought in this post so i guess it'll stop here. have fun contemplating...if you can.