i really am tired.
physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it.
it's been like this ever since last year. though i must say, it certainly got worse when this year came along.
time never stops to wait for you to take a breather. no, it doesn't. if you are slow it will leave you in the dust. sounds cruel, but that's the way the world works. if you don't advance you simply deteriorate. and in a similar fashion, so does life.

all this talk does make me wonder what people would do if they knew that they only had a limited amount of time left in this world. what would they have been proud of? what would they have regretted? what would they risk all odds just to do before they leave this world? and what would they give up everything else for? regrets are probably the one thing that are most significant to people, if anything at the very end. yet we hardly do anything to stop them from happening until they happen. silly beings, aren't we.

grasping all the things we treasure in our lives is by no means an easy feat either though. some of these just can't wait to travel beyond your reach, and some of these you never seem to be able to hold onto them for long, even though you may want it so much with all your heart and might.
but whatever the case may be, it shouldn't stop us from striving for them. not ever. if you stop trying then there goes any chance of success. but if you try, fail, stand up and try again, the glimmer of hope is there to stay for awhile yet.

hmm and i'm actually schizophrenic (for lack of a better expresion at the moment) enough to start wondering whether i'm saying all this just to comfort myself. i realise that we humans do that more often than we atually think. in fact we hardly ever do stop to think about what we're doing. in the end everything becomes so autonomous, so meaningless, such a big void in ourselves that we're not aware of, or perhaps aware of but stubbornly unwilling to admit its existence.

at any rate, there are definitely some things in my life that i want to do really, really badly. i wouldn't mind mentoring them forever, the multitude of things that i can impart to them is limitless. and interaction with them is really fun and awesome too, despite the fact that some of them are abit rebellious and whatnot...and of course my friends, i think i'm really dependent on strong friendships to survive. makes me sound like some parasite but yes if that describes the relation accurately then so be it. close friends do mean that much to me.

OP practice (or rather just script reading) was insightful. at least i know that i tend to talk with really random and awkward pauses everywhere. it's a problem but not one that can't be solved. and i tend to speak faster then i can think, which complicates matters as i will just screwup my speech and confidence when i run out of things to say. oh and one tip, never ever memorise your speech. just know what you want to say. at least for me it should be that way, because if i forget my memorised lines on stage i just die. this will really go toward improving my performance in npcc too i suppose, so what's not to like?
oh and npcc shall resume in a couple weeks, it's time to get in gear. there's going to be some real serious work to be done.

my new blog music/video is really getting to me. anyway let me show some support for my show The Legend! a must-watch.