it's difficult to break away from old habits and patterns of thinking. really difficult.

i know i'm not supposed to fix my sights on worldly achievements, rather strive for things beyond that. the problem is this: how easily can you do it?

i remember having seen in a book somewhere mentioning that guys place a great deal of pressure on themselves (to do well). i cannot agree more. while i cannot affirm whether this is due to a cultural influence or a gender stereotype, or even something genetic in guys, i do know that it holds true for me.

why's it so hard to accept failure? perhaps i think of myself as competent enough and therefore more than justified to succeed. perhaps it's because so many around me have carved out a path for themselves one after another but i have yet to. perhaps i am too idealistic, too hopeful, so the loss (of opportunities, for one) is amplified.

feel like i'm stuck in a rut. and the thing about me is, when i get stuck, i can stay inside for pretty long. the feeling does suck. i hope that reading all this has not been a spirit dampener; think of it as me illustrating that we all have our own share of struggles to deal with.

and thus i suppose, this is why we have the comforter and friend - the one whose touch we need again.