oh my god damnit. i just lost my post due to some silly presses of the enter key. smart me.

i shall just heck and re-write everything again. hopefully i can remember everything.

i'm still procratinating. even now. thats why i'm here, i guess. but why am i even doing so. it's not like i don't know the (likely and dire) repercussions of doing so, but yet i still stubbornly and stupidly carry on.

i've done nothing today. nothing constructive anyway. all i did was sleep, eat, finish up my HCL worksheets (which i told myself to complete by yesterday in school. apparently it didnt transpire), get my haircut, reply to some important emails, and then slack, slack, and slack. which seriously would not have taken up a large part of my time had i excluded the slacking.

i guess failing the few upcoming class tests might actually do me some good, and slap me awake properly once and for all. it probably wont last till next year A levels, but it will help somewhat.

and i'm feeling guilty at the fact that i have not been active (or rather totally inactive) in the area 4 npcc stuff. it's not really that i have stuff on and i cant make it, but that i just dont feel the obligation/desire to go. the programme/event isnt really that related/personally important to me. and as usual i have the mountain of homework and other pseudo-important things waiting for me to finish after i'm done with my procrastinating. all dumb excuses yes i know, but i always succeed in convincing myself that they're right and i should just do so. its surprising how well we can deceive ourselves into doing all the wrong things when we obviously know that we're screwing ourselves ultimately.

i guess i'm redeeming myself slightly by promising that i'll be more enthusiastic for the area 4 LMSC in june, and possibly helping out the 76th J09 CIBTC, which will help to nicely clock up my HQ hours for the probation period. at least that is something which i feel has some kind of meaning or purpose that i can relate to.

PW groupings were also informed to us that there would be a reshuffling, after the fiasco by our CT...well, i'm not sure whether to be happy or not, since there's the possiblity of both good and bad things happening. actually i'm quite ok with my current group already...i guess everyone can only hope for the best, and that god bless those who deserve it? i dont believe in god (as in not christian), but then i think it wont hurt to have some faith to rely on from time to time.

oh and i realised that, if you're a guy and your group consists of one guy and four girls, you're in quite a fix to make a comment. both ways will create lots of gossip/comment from others. if you complain about it it could mean that your gay or that you are finding some of the girls in your group dislikeable. other way would mean that your a flirt/pervert/girl-crazy. so i had no choice but to keep quiet and let nigel continue on with his little nickname that he got for me -.- which seriously, is totally inappropriate since i could/had done nothing about it and it was just as big a surprise to me as it was to everyone else. just something interesting that i realised, haha.

it all feels too damn soon. everything is coming at me too fast and i cant adapt/adjust fast enough. not that i will break or anything, but i guess my progress overall is just going to take a downturn from here on. i hope that doesnt happen, really, but i'll see how it goes. for now, i think i'll turn in and get a good night's sleep and just forget everything temporarily. my best escapade from the world is in my dreams =)