why does the word fatigue exist.

it might be just me but i always end up unproductive or at best minimally productive on days where i get back home in the night. the thing is this happens all too frequently, with npcc twice a week and all the additional commitments here and there.

it sucks when you have a ton of stuff that you want (like seriously want, out of interest more than obligation) to do but fatigue just wears you down. what can be worse than not being able to do what matters to you most? might as well kill me right.

i can feel time slipping away from me rapidly.
news of award presentation ceremony to outgoing instructors during sec1 swearing in cum SI promotions which will be held this saturday was a pretty stark reminder of this. just how much more (or little) time do i have left in this cca to make things right? we all talk about "leaving with no regrets", but at the end of it all how many of us can really proudly claim that we have attained this? not many, i reckon.
perhaps that's why despite the fact that i screw myself over on training days because i become somewhat incapacitated after getting home, i'm still faithfully going down every training, every monday, every wednesday. i think sometimes, the love or passion for something can escalate to the point where you just don't want to let it go, or let it out of your sight anymore. even at the expense of other important things.

jc has really made me feel stupid when put next to some of the brightest brains in the nation. CTs this time round was probably a really good indication of how you must work really really hard to reach the top and stay tops. chem and chem h3 was probably the biggest disappointment for me, what with a drop from A to D and failing h3 test. just because i happened to be lucky enough to stay tops (or near tops) in primary school and sec3-4 does not mean very much now - look at where i ended up.
ok, i think there isn't a point to cry over spilt milk too much.
i'll pray, it always helps.