today feels like a good day to blog. so here i am.

you ever got the feeling that whatever you're doing doesn't seem to make the situation any better? as if what you did just evaporated into absolute nothingness?
well, i definitely got majorly hit by that today.

getting your hopes crushed bit by bit sucks.

i had/have alot of hope for (possibly) my final year in rinpcc. i could now really see myself picturing solid goals that i want for myself and for the unit before i say goodbye.
i suppose i'm just too much of an idealist sometimes. admittedly, the future batches of leaders can't all be just like me (that would be rather scary really), and it would really take alot, alot, alot, of effort and sincerity to move them in what i believe is the right direction.
today's performance from the sec4s really got to me somehow. first major event of the year and none of them seem to be taking it even half-seriously. is it something wrong
with them?
and, it isn't all that helpful to have parents and elder siblings alike giving you dressing-downs because you're out too much. i mean ok i see your rationale and all, but give me a break will you? all things in moderation please, when you get excessive it becomes negative work. i'm already having a not-too-pleasant time here trying to get things to work out.

so i start to ask myself, perhaps i'm doing things wrongly? am i trying too hard? would they be better off if i ceased to exist or interevene someday? they almost seem reliant on us for (the unit's) survival. and like i told them today, that is a really pathetic state to see them in. a cadet inspector may be of higher rank than any sec1 to sec4, but why should that make us the ones in charge of handling and DOING everything? something like that should be utterly unacceptable.

i remember from one of my leadership books that the true mark of a leader is what his or her organisation/team can accomplish without his or her presence. i am going to make that my goal for rinpcc for the rest of this year (however much i'd be able to contribute), regardless of what people (cadets or otherwise) would say, think, gossip about me.

sometimes, i suppose we're just looking for some sort of indication to tell us that we're doing things right. that would make all the effort worth it, and then some.

here's lyrics from Together (channel 8 9pm show). i know most people find the show silly but oh well. the song does seem rather nice now though.

---

一条街有多长
年少就多长
我时常都回到
昨天去徜洋

那外面 有多大
用笑声 去丈量
你背影 有多长
思念就多长

我们总是这样
借彼此肩膀
我们总是错过
幸福那一站

拥有了 全世界
可是你 却看不见
我宁愿
重回到那一年
牵着你 去看明天

失去了 全世界
还有你 在我身边

能不能
重回到那一年
你的梦 我的歌 蓝的天
叫永远

能不能
重回到那一年
你的梦 我的歌 蓝的天
叫永远