i wish i could do more.

it makes one feel rather toothless when you can only watch (for the most part) and not give them a hand.
i mean, you know what's wrong and sure you can tell them that, but making a wrong a right is not as simple as knowing what's wrong. that's the first step of course, but first steps are a necessary but insufficient condition to improving for the better. sometimes i wish i could change bodies with them and help them deal with the situation...but i know in the long run, it'll only serve to disadvantage them, because they won't really learn what they should do in the face of complicated situations.
and i don't know how to best help them either. i'm asking alot but is it really enough to give me the answer that i need? it's a paradox really, you want to help them so bad but help doesn't come to you. why, why, why.
what i'm hoping for through all this is just to make a difference. simple desire but it's more than just difficult to achieve.
i realise i've not explicitly mentioned who "them" is; if you haven't guessed it i'm referring to my ncos.

if anything though, i'm glad for the chance that i've been given. even if it all came to nought at the end, it'll be worth knowing that i tried, and that i tried for something worthy.

to extrapolate this to a larger context, doesn't it just suck when you know how to help but can't help for one reason or another? it's like that sometimes with friends. you see them in difficulty, you feel like helping but you don't know what you can say, what you can do, that will make them feel better. and making them feel worse because of an insensitive question from you is the worst thing that you could do. all this makes you feel absolutely wretched inside, even though you weren't responsible for the suffering that they're going through.

i'm making this place suffer from depression ain't i hahaha. that's what goes on in my mind huh. rather sad place maybe? nah, it's just part and parcel of being human.